There are so many different people you can marry or have a relationship with — an only child, someone who had five older siblings, the oldest of five siblings. Each comes with their unique personality characteristics carried in from childhood and bring different challenges and experiences. Marrying a twin has to be the most unique one of these situations you can find yourself in out of all these possibilities.
I am not saying all twins are the same (lol) but let me share what I’ve learned from my experience.
Independence- Imagine there were two of you walking this Earth. Someone who looks and sounds just like you, and by default already your best friend. Would you naturally be as inclined to seek out the company of others? The answer is most likely no. Before you even developed consciousness, you had someone nudging you, offering the company that we single children continue to seek throughout our adult lives.
I have learned that twins crave independence and autonomy like I crave the company of others. Having a copy of themselves, they do not want to blend into groups as much as they want to individuate. A social situation must be entered meeting their individual criteria and needs as a means for distinguishing themselves. As a friend or husband, they may not feel as obliged to get together or reach out. Do not be offended if they aren't excited to come to your party, they already have their own party going on 24/7. Despite this, twins are excellent friends and partners because when you are with them, they are great listeners and empathetic. After all, they get a lot of practice.
Multiplicity- Being married to a twin is sort of like having two wives. Since they talk to each other so much, the achievements, concerns, and feelings you are exposed to are amplified by two. Conversely, my achievements, failures, concerns are naturally put forth to a committee. There’s not a lot of hiding as so much is shared. Strangely, I find that often if my wife disagrees with me, her twin in an effort to individuate may empathize with me. But the other times, it’s double the support or disapproval.
Other Siblings- Seeing the twins so close makes me feel distant from my siblings, even if the comparison naturally causes a distortion. I may see my brother for lunch once in a while, or text my sister to see how she is, but there’s no way I can compete. The twins have been chatting on the phone for hours and gone to lunch 3 times this week. Additionally, the twin's other siblings may experience a huge rift also by being unable to compete with the strength of their bond.
The Other Husband- If you attempt to go out or marry a twin, be wary of the other twin’s partner. The social dynamic can lead to great friendship or an all-out war. You’re going to spend a lot of time with this person so if they are terrible, it will be torture. I got lucky and get along with my twin's husband. We enjoy the same things and hit it off immediately. Phew.
Accommodation: Be prepared to accommodate two sets of feelings, emotions, and decisions. Sometimes I even get the two confused too, like “Who said what?” While twins seek their own singularity, their unique bond will inevitably bring them back to collectivism when need be. If you bring ice cream for one, you should probably bring enough for two. Don’t cross their twin or cause a rift between them. If they are in a disagreement, let them work it out. Finding yourself in the crosshairs of this dilemma will most likely not favor you.
Conclusion: All-in-all, being married to a twin is a bit of a “double-down” situation. You should be strong enough of a partner that you can handle sharing time, space, and exposure. But in taking this on, you open yourself for channeling exponential reward.
Do any of you know how it is to be married to a male twin? Is it similar to what I described?